Big Girls and Little Girls

I imagined it in reverse.

I thought my baby would be the one telling me that she was the Big Girl, while peddling at breakneck speeds on her tricycle to get to the corner where she would inevitably halt and turn, breathlessly smiling that smile that says, I have far outpaced you, woman!  And with each step closer to my trike baby at the corner, I would be thinking, I have spent whole afternoons watching your glacial progress in controlling your popsicle stick toes, waiting to see if they would push that green toy car a microscopic nudge farther.

But instead, she is the one that is resisting it.

"I not a big gahl, Mommy. I a wittle gahl."

And I have to agree with her.

Until she asks me, "Mommy's a big gahl?"

Reminding me that I am, yes I am a big gahl, honeypie. In more ways than one.

***

The Big Girl/Little Girl tug-of-war is profound and painful.  Girlhood is so fleeting and there are times I know that I grew up too fast, partly because I willed it and partly because I had no choice.  And there are times when the air is warm and musky and I want to ride my bike around another suburban cul-de-sac with a few wilting dandelions flipping around in the plastic wicker bike basket while I sing some hybrid song of lyrics I am spontaneously inventing and lacing them with Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry Be Happy."

***

There is so much sweetness from my girlhood that I am willing like an heirloom to my daughter, but like any heirloom, it is all so fragile and cannot be replicated by any modern day tools.  My little girl has to ride her own bike and pluck her own dandelions and write her own songs, mingling them, I hope, with a few notes I have taught her, which someday she might know by heart.

***

Shots from that very fun wedding we attended where Baby Girl thunderjacked the Daddy/Daughter Dance.

St. Paddy's 2010

Twinklin' Star

Twinkle Star
Originally uploaded by shamrox

Don't know which shines brighter -- Baby Girl or that twinklin' star.

Treasures of Wisdom

I ran across this verse the other day, and I've been noodling it around ever since. In Him "are hid all the treasures of wisdom." ~ Colossians 2:3

At first I was impressed, just thinking what a treasure wisdom truly is. With each life experience, we can treasure the wisdom gained, and apply it to future experiences. And further, we can share this treasure. It isn't ours to hole up in some storehouse. We can share it, both in word and deed.

I used to think that the ultimate goal in life was to collect as many amazing experiences as I could. Whoever got to do the most numerous cool things WINS. I was so full of envy as a child, convinced my life was boring, restrained, and that every other kid was more privileged and indulged.

I eventually realized that I was more than privileged, and that boring translated to "safe" and restrained really meant that I was very much loved.

But I still thought well into my twenties that I should be collecting experiences, that I should be taking trips like they were charms to add to a bracelet. I should be pursuing great and important things that will build my resume, my portfolio, a name for myself. I should be networking and coopting and spending and flirting with my destiny.

BAAAAARRRRRF.

Yeah. But coming to Christ for me has meant in so so many ways the loss of self and the greater love for Him, all that I am able to accomplish in His name, for His sake, for His greater glory.

I need wisdom to do all that. And I've been grateful over the past couple of years to actually desire, to have that deep craving for wisdom. I need it to get through a day with a toddler that would prefer to be rolled around a shopping mall in a wheely-suitcase.

Going back to the verse in Colossians, though, I realized that in God, all the wisdom can be gained.  That all those fabulous experiences?  Cannot guarantee to make one wise.  This excites me, it really does.  Knowing that He truly is the wellspring of all knowledge and goodness is a comfort to me and quiets my hearts desires to Do Really Cool Stuff, knowing that one day, all that this world can offer will but be a shadow of His glory!