Thank you, Carmen Electra

The thought occurred to me somewhere between the warm-up and the first routine of Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease that her parents must be proud. There she is, their baby girl, Carmen Electra, all grown up. Cashing in on all those jazz and tap lessons with her very own DVD collection dedicated to helping soccer moms perfect their lap dance.

My subsequent thought was how proud my parents must be. Here I am, their baby girl, all grown up and married and breaking a sweat in my living room as I learn to perfect my booty slaps in front of the television.

Pay no attention to how this DVD came into my home. Pay no attention to the birthday card from my friend Elisa, wishing her "pretty and sexy married friend" a very happy one, hoping that I would enjoy the enclosed gift, along with my husband.

I cannot speak for my husband's enjoyment, not because I cannot gage it, but because I do not regularly out him regarding home entertainment. I can attest that at certain times last night when I became quite dizzied by Carmen Electra's repetitious head rolls (Are those even good for you? Is that even a relevant question in striptease?), and found myself in resting position, he perked up, "Kenny, how come you're not doing it? Kenny? What are you doing now?"

Beyond the questionable head rolls, I have to say, the work-out is quite good. Good as in toning and riveting. Not good as in entertaining to watch. Carmen Electra is accompanied by Stacey and Ashley, which causes you to wonder if those are their real names, or just the names of their first pets, rendering their last names Elmwood and Kenilworth, after the streets of their first homes. Stacey and Ashley do have some entertainment value, which derives largely from their faces as they watch Carmen Electra stroke herself, which at times, causes me to laugh, too.

Carmen Electra's moves are pretty deft and it is clear that she is/was a very talented dancer, which, one would assume, would make her a fairly talented burlesquer or madame of the pole. It's just that she says "Okay," like, a lot, okay? Like a head cheerleader in high school for whom everything seemed so effortless. Who would be half-heartedly teaching cheers while glancing at her watch and thinking about whether or not she wanted to maybe go home with the boy who was coming to pick her up after practice, or would they first make out under the bleachers?

But back to the soccer moms who probably were once cheerleaders and who are now working it with Carmen Electra in their hot pink gouchos, I think there is a higher purpose for Aerobic Striptease. As Carmen Electra says in one of the vignettes where her hair is wavy and she has on the sultry black leotard (as opposed to the bubble gum Daisy Duke shorts of other routines), "The key to sexiness is you."

So, huh. Really. If I am the key to sexiness incarnate, why am I so intent upon going through every routine of Aerobic Striptease? I think it is perhaps because it is very fun, and Carmen Electra is very funny, and a girl having fun can be very sexy indeed.