A Tale of Two Cashiers

Unless you know my daughter, whose soul is a glittery black balloon filled with puppy love and a thirst for justice, this first anecdote will not make much sense. Ergo, a brief primer on Daughter: You know how in board game commercials for kids, there’s always a big hamburger faced lad who elbows out everyone to hammer the gavel joystick thing or whatever and then shouts I WON? Yeah, my daughter would have been the side kid looking on with amazement, genuinely happy that Burger Boy took the W. But in the last couple of years, she’s become a bit of a righteous crusader and she sees you winning Hungry Hungry Hippos and is all STOP HUNGER SHAMING HIPPOPOTAMUSES! JUSTICE FOR THE PIGMY! SAY HER NAME!

So that’s my shopping companion. Thus, our mission a few weeks ago on a rainy Saturday evening was to visit a very disorderly Dollar Tree in order to see what we could see. We watch a fair number of YouTube Momfluencers in which the Momiverse teaches us how to assemble baskets with only Dollar Store Items. It’s…amazing? We wanted to mount our own adventure and we thought it would be more fun to sidestep the bougie boutique in favor of a chaotic experience.

We were not disappointed. In COVIDian times, there are arrows on the floor of store aisles directing traffic flow, as everyone knows, and which 66% of people ignore. At this particular Dollar Tree, 108% of customers were like, I see your arrow and I raise you an I NEED THAT BAR OF SOAP IN AISLE 4, BREH. Please socially distance your own self while I plow through with my cart full of stocking stuffers and by the way, where’d you get those fresh Lisa Frank stickers, hon? This was the kind of store where you’d just find a pregnancy test stuffed inside a Valentine’s mug (not, like, totally unrelated but still not a major merchandising concept). 1-800-HOTMESS. By the time we got to the register, we could not explain what had happened and what we had bought. As we were checking out, I looked up at all the mylar balloons that had escaped capture and floated up to the ceiling and I pondered how a balloon graveyard is actually 6 feet off the ground (deep, yo). The cashier handed me my bag and I told him his Senegalese twists were pretty and before I could say Merry Happy, he YELPED, I mean, YELPED, “Ohmahgahh, thank you SO MUCH! I was doing my hair all night long, I was up until 4 a.m. and I was like this is taking FOREVERRR, but you all are just making me feel so good” And then Daughter yanked her bunny rabbit hat ears and he died and was buried under a graveyard of mylar balloons, ashes to ashes, dust to Dollar Tree dust.

Not even one day later, I had to pick up a few more Christmas gifts at Target. As I was nearing the cashier, I had that sinking feeling that this was not going to end well. I saw it on the downcast face of the cashier. He was having a day. As I pulled my cart up to the register, I saw him look left, look right, and then yell, OH SHIT! THIS KEEPS HAPPENING. He then took off. I mean, there was no explanatory pause, like, “Pardon me, ma’am. I just need to go chase after this customer who forgot her bags.” Nope. Just BYE. Apparently the prior customer had forgotten to press the button that would have closed out her transaction, so the cashier just abandoned ship and ran after her. The security guard walked over and rested his hands on his head, sighing The manager also came over and tried to make sense of why there had been a cashier at register 7 a second ago, and that person had now vanished.

And the tale of these two cashiers pretty much captures the whole story about the way 2020 elided right into 2021. We either found a spark of joy somewhere in our lives, we perished, or we yelled SHIT THIS KEEPS HAPPENING and hoped management would swoop in and take care of this hot mess, STAT.

2k19 Wrap

These are usually fun in that old AOL e-mail forwardy kind of way, so I’ll bite. And please share if you do, too.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

We went on a legit Cape Cod beach vacation with a dog for a week.
Became an usher at the BSO Symphony
Worked at the JFK Library
Visited New Orleans

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Felt like I got some traction in therapy. That was a huge one for me.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousins Sean and Katie welcomed their doll Kayleigh. I imagine there are more but I haven’t held any babies lately and this is regretful.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My husband’s granny passed last weekend. She was a firecracker.

5. What countries did you visit?

Oh, Canada (Toronto - Summer)

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A book deal, more boundaries around my work, more dates with my hubs.

7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Sat with a dying grandmother-in-law in her nursing home bed while we just said “I love you” in Korean over and over and over.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My mental health survived the winter and the rainiest April ever. Placed some ink in Huffington Post.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The essay that got the most views was ironically the biggest fail for me. I was not pleased with how it turned out and the response was a lot of spiritual battery.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

The longest depression of my adult life.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I bought this book for under $10 and it was by far the best investment as a freelancer.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Not into any Dave Ramsey-approved piggy banks or projects, I can tell you that much.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Monday barre class.
My former students Garrison and Simone getting married
Visiting Greg in his gayborhood in New Orleans

14. What song will always remind you of 2019?

I loved when my daughter sang/played this Rolling Stones ditty.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

I am so much happier, about the same weight, and not poorer because that would be impossible.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Prayed, read my Bible.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Been bossed around by my dog. She’s a dog. She can’t even clip her own nails. Why is she bossing me around?

18. How will you spend Christmas?

It’s a travel year so Ohio/Michigan.

19. Did you fall in love in 2019?

Yes, summarily into Fleabag Seasons 1+2.

20. What was your favorite TV program?

See above. I have now watched both seasons thrice.

21. What was the best book you read?

The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs was so good.

22. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Vaughn Williams Symphony No. 5. Melts me.

23. What did you want and get?

A strong relationship with both my kids. It has been gut-wrenching at times but so worth it.

24. What did you want and not get?

A pink Jeep like Malibu Barbie has.
President Trump off Twitter.

25. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Farewell

26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 39. I think I taught and then went to my night class at GrubStreet which has been fantastic.

27. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My life isn’t that deep, yo.

28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Thrift on fleek.

29. What kept you sane?

My husband. Riding the MBTA, oddly enough. The Cut on Tuesdays podcast, which is ending and I haz the sads.

30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I mean who didn’t love PWB holding all her trophies?
I also was so happy when Anne Lamott got married.

31. What political issue stirred you the most?

Mostly was obsessed with the crisis at the border and Impeachment.

32. Who did you miss?

Barack Obama, Friends in Tennessee

33. Who was the best new person you met?

Super grateful for all the new coworker friends I’ve made. They do not tell you this is the actual factual slice of fun of being an employed grown person.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.

God will use whatever means necessary to get our attention and let us know we are loved. Even our dogs. Even quicksand. Maybe both at the same time.

But how do you order the cotton candy?

My quasi-cousin Kore and I met up at an impossibly chic taqueria on Sunday and I’m still puzzled how the Minivan Mafia let me get away with this one, how I didn’t get fined (yet?) for wearing Not Nearly Enough Black, and how it appeared I was the only one whose skull was completely blown to bits over this cotton candy novelty served apres dinner.

This cotton candy? Arrived in a big bountiful arrangement. The same big bouquet shape you’re used to seeing at the fair. Only it was placed on tables around us like a fetching centerpiece. Now, I’m not so daft and irrelevant that I’m unaware that cotton candy for growns is a HUGE thing in foodie places like Vegas, etc. I mean I might own some mom jeans but I know my way around a Sephora counter and I know that contouring is a thing I need and a boy brow is a thing I shouldn’t attempt at home. I am current in most of the ways that matter. But the cotton candy was a surprise at this urbane eatery what with its neo-gothic stained glass windows and wrought-iron sectionings.

Here’s the rub. We couldn’t figure out how to order it. It wasn’t on the menu. Maybe there was a secret password or you had to know a guy, a cottony confectionary kind of guy to order. Kore and I aren’t delicate lilacs afraid to assert ourselves or ask difficult questions like FLOOFER SUGAR, WE CAN HAZ SOME? But! Hark! Just as we asked for the check, a bloom of blue cotton candy was placed in our midst. Unbidden but definitely not unwanted. We pulled at wads and tasted an unexpected fruity flavor. This was not your sad clown cotton candy in a bag that you begged your dad to get you at the Ice Capades mostly because everyone else had some. Kore was the first to make the discovery: this cotton candy was sprinkled in Pop Rocks. For the love of Screech and Lisa Turtle, what a pair. Delicious and frivolous. Suddenly our table with a couple of cackling hens was transformed into the table that was having the most fun party for two, and I totally hope it made everyone who didn’t yet know the cotton candy secret insanely jealous.

I’ve thought about that cotton candy in the days since and I realize it’s less about the spectacle of it, and more about the moment that it arrived. You guys, I swear I heard windchimes when they set it down in front of us. Kore and I had been fine to wrap up our meal without ever solving the mystery of the cotton candy, perhaps investigating further on another cotton candy research junket (as one does). But then the restaurant said, Oh. No. Don’t leave yet. You haven’t tried this blue treat of ours. Your stay here isn’t complete until we set a bouquet of sugary goodness before you.

Even though the Pop Rocks as sprinkles was a new concept for me, I have sat at this table before. The one where I’ve been given the enviable thing without having to ask for it. The one where I’m sitting with someone who accepts me and yet challenges me to pass on the baloney when it comes around. The table where I didn’t make the reservation, where I probably didn’t even abide by the dress code of the place, but was treated kindly. And given the dessert chaser.

I keep returning to the moment, because it was all so fresh for me: the reward no one deserves but which the restauranteur wants its patrons to have; the feasting eyes from other tables; the wondering, the menu scoping. I am going to be spending some more time in this moment where we realize we are getting something we very much wanted and didn’t know how to ask for, and being glad and present for when someone who just wants to delight in our delight says, Oh, why. Here you go.

I think this is the magic we don’t have nearly enough of in our world, and for which we should strive to create more for the people we love and others we may not even know. Because these are the moments where our expectations are suspended and our childish hopes met. Show me the folks who are mad about that. Then sprinkle them with a generous portion of Pop Rocks and see what happens.