November 27, 2010

Hope there's good climbing in...

November 27, 2010/ kendratheadverb

Chattanooga, TN. Since that will be our home at this time next year.

I didn't get to witness firsthand the maiden voyage of Baby Girl on the rock wall. Little Man had four shots the day before Thanksgiving and subsequently woke up with a fevahhh of 102, bless his little bruised legs and feverish noggin. So I was hangin' with my febral little butterball while Loverpants and Baby Girl clipped in and rigged up and belayed on the wall. Fortunately Auntie Eunis took these pictures. When I saw these pics, my heart inflated and took flight like a hot air balloon, soaring over craggy rock walls. I know they say you cannot be in two places at once, but in that moment I saw our future and I saw our past. I saw distant tomorrows as a family of climbers, something I've always wanted, since growing up my family didn't really have a shared activity, unless you count eating together a gluttonous amount of ice cream. I also rewound the memory tape, back to Loverpants' and my first year of marriage and how we made weekly dates with Auntie Eunis to climb. I learned so much about our marriage from those climbs, about being a reliable anchor and a communicative climber and a good cheerleader. I haven't been on a wall since before I got pregnant with Little Man and I miss it so much, but these pictures raise my hopes that a return to the top of the mock mountain is in the cards very soon.

October 31, 2010

Happy, Unabashedly

October 31, 2010/ kendratheadverb

One of my StrollerFitBackIntoYourPrePregnancyJeans friends asked me the other day why I was smiling. Afterall, we had just sprinted up a hill and after regaining our breath, we had to do it again. I guess I had on my fierce, "I love pain, I eat pavement for breakfast" face and then I just kept wearing it. Or maybe I was just staring into the sun. I said something like I was just happy I was glad I only had to push one kid in the stroller that day.

But what I should have said, what I would hope to say right now if someone asked me that, is that I'm just happy. I'm unabashedly happy. I know that sounds obnoxious, but I do feel happy, despite the days when I'm sure God really doesn't love me because seriously? May I please not have to battle with a nearly 3 year-old over whether the Plain Blue Kai-Lan underoos will do today since the glitter ones are still in the laundry and I don't know why but we just have to wear a different pair than we wore yesterday, it's just something we have to do, let's not even talk about getting in a car accident and being found with unclean glitter-free underwear right now, kay, pwease?

I'm just aware of the profound blessedness of my life right now. I'm not worried about the other shoe dropping, I'm just really enjoying the blessings of health, and long(er) spurts of sleep, of a home not being foreclosed, of the paychecks that pay for the organic trail mix that I somehow cannot seem to live without from Whole Paycheck.

I do have my moments when I am driven to my knees. It's the same prayer every time. Please Lord, please. My heart is not in the right place. Please put it where it needs to be to just survive this day. I swear I never hate my kids but I do hate the person that I turn into when I have to care for their whineypantsedness and am flying solo while operating on deficient sleep and deficient organic trail mix.

Like today, when I felt all mopey about my husband having to work a Sunday per usual, taking the car per usual, and mopey mopey saddy wah wah poooooor Kendra had to fight the underwear battle with Baby Girl and run with the double stroller to the hayride fest in the ch-ch-chilliness. But then my blood got pumping, I was probably smiling that same obnoxious pavement-crunching face again. Blessed and happy and staring into the sun.

*** Tommy, can you hear me?