Removable Wallpaper: Living Room Design Hack < $100

Removable Wallpaper. The coolest thing since Willy Wonka invented Snozzberry Lickable Wallpaper. I gave it a whirl and you should probably observe my method, given my outstanding record of lifestyle makeovers and other Gucci-grade designs on a TJ Maxx Budget.

First, it’s important to go to Home Depot and roam every aisle like a woman on a mission who does not need help. You will be offered assistance by all manner of friendly orange aproned retail associates, but it’s critical to ignore them until you really can’t find what you’re looking for and suddenly there is not an orange apron in sight for 50 square miles.

You should then yell into the void and see if anyone comes running. You know, could be fun?

When you finally geolocate an aproned assistant, be sure to ask him if they sell removable wallpaper like the website said they did at this location. When he responds, “Ohhh, no! Sorry! We don’t sell ANY wallpaper,” you should match his expression with equal lament, continue roaming around with a womanly rage just bubbling beneath the surface, and then lo! You will find the whole rack of removable wallpaper, right next to the blinds and the vinyl decals of Dora the Explorer & co.

Once you have landed upon your manifest destiny of removable wallpaper, consider a pattern that will probably go out of style in the next 3-6 months. This is my strategy for most things and it always fills me with regret because I pride myself on being able to spot a classic choice but WHO KNEW Chevron was not a pattern you should select as a wrapround arm tattoo?!?

I went with the birch tree pattern. (The prior link is an affiliate link to Amazon, and I now wish I had bought it on Amazon since it was cheaper and Prime-eligible. Wah.) The room I would be using it in has quite a lot of natural light. I don’t know what those two details have to do with one another, the birch and the light, but it seems like a relationship David Bromstad of HGTV would make a point to highlight.

I did not pre-measure the wall height nor check to see if I would have remotely enough removable wallpaper for the project ahead of me since I am allergic to measuring tools. You can understand my sensitivity, obviously. In fact, the very idea of calculating something in advance and thus depriving myself of all the fun and serendipity of discovering I won’t have nearly enough of a supply is just not the life I’m about, friends. Life is a highway, and I? I want to ride it. All the way back to Home Away from Home Depot two more times for more removable wallpaper.

Once I got going with the wallpaper, I found it to be easy enough to apply to the wall. Like a giant reusable sticker for your HydroFlask, the rolling out of the paper itself is easy. I had cleaned the walls in advance and kept scissors and a box cutter handy. The paper pattern was just forgiving enough that the margins were plain gray and overlapping one piece over another still looks like there isn’t a great disturbance in the forest.

As you can see from the heavily curated and professionally staged photos of my living room in various states of splendor, we are all, dog included, living our very best lives like the little woodland nymphs we all believe ourselves to be thanks to the new wall coverings. Magnifique!

Other Removable Wallpaper patterns available on Amazon include:

How to Adopt a Dog in 21 Easy Steps

  1. Daydream your entire life about Getting a Dog. (Like DNA for eye color, dream is transferred to offspring (dominant gene)).

  2. Promise kids that you will buy them a dog when you move back to Boston, like you are the freaken Obamas moving into the White House and can just bandy about promises like that.

  3. Evade questions for first year in Boston about Getting a Dog because you live in an apartment that doesn’t allow dogs (and even the hamster was a stretch).

  4. Once moved into canine-friendly quarters, continue to evade questions about Getting a Dog such that if the kids in the backseat of the car even hint at asking a question, quickly change the subject SHAME ABOUT HOW LUNCHABLES AREN’T ON SALE ANYMORE.

  5. Begin researching breeders; promptly fall in love with every puppy on breeder’s websites.

  6. Realize cost of purchasing puppy from breeder could also send 10 children to space camp every year (via an actual rocket ship) until the end of time.

  7. Pivot to looking at rescue shelters.

  8. Fill out shelter applications that are tantamount to trying to emancipate a prisoner from a war camp.

  9. Learn from Nice Lady at Bus Stop about shelter that is reputable and local.

  10. Fill out application and book appointment for visitation to shelter in self-same day.

  11. Go as a family of four to “look” at potential puppies.

  12. Fall bum over monkeybars in love with all puppies at shelter and begin to deduce how to afford/fit all 28 in backseat of car.

  13. Go to PetSmart and Buy All the Puppy Things.

  14. Go back to shelter and claim Schuyler the Beautiful Mutt because she seems the most chill.

  15. Bring Schuyler home and realize she is chill most of the time and also has an alter-ego, Devil Dog, who chews everything including but not limited to: brand new television remotes, all the zippers on all the hoodies, all the shoelaces on all the shoes, every last shred of your dignity as you become the Loser Lady who Lives Outside with Her Puppy Dog on a Leash.

  16. Learn that you should throw out everything you learned about sleep training and potty training small humans; all the sticker charts and all the cry-it-out methods and cloth diapers are obsolete in Puppytown; what you need now are treats. Treats are dogs’ love language. They must all be related to your grandma because they are singularly focused on food. Weird.

  17. Lose so much sleep because of tiny dog bladder needs; fear may never experience sessytime with mate again.

  18. Train children who begged and pleaded about Getting a Dog that this nippy furry slobbery friend is The Fulfillment of Things Hoped For their entire lives, so stop watching glitter glue slime videos on YouTube and play with the puppy.

  19. Start to celebrate landslide victories such as “All morning! FOUR HOURS IN A ROW. No accidents!” and crowning achievements such as, “Gave dog bath [though have not personally showered in four days].”

  20. Start to become That Person who asks their dog all kinds of asinine questions twice in a high range that is embarrassing for everyone, “Puppy Want to Find Pee Tree?” except you can’t stop.

  21. Feel grateful every day for the Werther’s Original on four legs who rescued you after all these years from not knowing what it was like to Get a Dog.

Schuyler the Rescue Mutt

Update: Greetabl experience

This past fall, I gave Greetabl a go. You may have seen the post. Nobunny paid me to do it. I'm just a sucker for a good novelty item that:1.) can be gifted 2.) <$25 3.) that will not require me to scan the Target Dollar Spot for tiny giftable novelty items <$25 and end up fighting with cart munchkins for the last pair of Shopkins socks. Urrghgah!

I sent my friend Jeni a Just Because Greetabl because moving away from her has been hard on my heart and has left a wide gaping hole in my stomach where the muffins she used to deliver me used to be. After Jeni discovered that the Greetabl I sent her was in fact for her and not for her cousin who was re-routing her mail through Jeni's address (long story), she was quite delighted with her li'l bumblebee Greetabl with tea inside.

Since that maiden voyage, I've sent a Greetabl to my cousin Kore (it had Leslie Knope on it. Who wouldn't love it? Knopebody, that's who.) I also sent one to StepMom for Mother's Day and she loved it because of the personalized pictures of her with my kids. I even shared the love of the Greetabl with my friend Foxy who sent one to her new bosslady. Upon receiving of said Greetabl, Bosslady sent her this text that I found crazy charming:

greetabl Because I'm passionate about gifting and not committing an assault in Target in the act of gifting, and also about my friends being called beautiful humans for filling their bossladies' maws' with caramels, I think we should all send more Greetabls and here's 15% off to sweeten the deal!

P.S. Father's Day is upcoming and my old man will be most likely receiving one, too.