What Go Go Go Go Go Joseph has to do with me

When Baby Girl was almost two years-old, she was playing with the manger set at my mom's house. The characters were stuffed representations of Mary, Joseph, Wee Baby Jesus and the other usual suspects. Baby Girl kept playacting out scenes in the manger (shepherds giving piggyback rides to camels, wise men playing touch football with the frankincense) and she kept referring to Mary and Jo-puff. We could not stop repeating this. It's super fun to say and there's no cuter couple than Mary and Jo-puff.

I still refer to Jo-puff like this in my  head, but he is emerging as a more significant Bible character for me.

Jo-puff (Joseph to the uninitiated) and even if you've never read the story of Joseph, chances are you've seen the musical or heard the tune about his amazing techni-color cloak.  Joseph was born a favorite son of his father and then was sold off as a slave by jealous brothers. He eventually became a key cabinet member to the pharoah, was jailed but then freed. All the while, it is clear that in spite of his trials, God has important plans for Joseph. Joseph just needs to have faith.

Broken record much?

I know. And so the broken record spins on. He just had to have faith. It's another adage from the bucket of Hard Things that require So Much More more than just determination, but which people reduce to brief imperatives. Just say no to drugs. Get an 'A'. Ask her out. Get yours today.

Joseph's story always seemed very base to me. He wasn't the interesting oft-conflicted David, fighting his inner demons while seeking after God's own heart. He wasn't Jonah, playing hide-and-seek in a whale. He wasn't Noah with the  cruise ship zoo. He was Joseph with the flamboyant coat, and he ended up living with the king and having to forgive the same people over and over and over.  So I guess we're supposed to forgive people even if they don't like what we're wearing. Point taken. The end.

Joseph, oh hai.

Recently, I am identifying with my man Joseph, however. Maybe it's because I have been a bit of an ass lately. Maybe it's because I was just telling Loverpants that I've been fighting negativity like woah and am getting in my own way. I've been struggling to prioritize my priorities list. I keep having to ask forgiveness over and over and over and I feel restless and want to know what is the next step from here, because I can't be stuck here. Not in this place. Contentment and I are strange bedfellows, you feel me?

I think about the story of Joseph and the difference between Joseph and me is that he was always looking up and I've been looking down, and that has made all the difference, transcendentalists. Joseph knew and I know that God has His hand over us. Joseph knew like I know there's work we're called to do. But Joseph had a sense of purpose which formed his identity, and I've been looking to my identity to discern my purpose. Joseph looked up and trusted and knew there was a way out of this ditch in the field.

Hey, Joseph. I see you. I see you seeing God and in so doing, I see you seeing your mission impossible.

I want to see what he's seeing right now.

***

I just started the Restless Project because I have done a Jennie Allen Bible study before and it involved a lot of drawing pictures that appeal to my adult ADD. Also, restlessness is my specialty. If being restlessness were a full-time job, I'd be known as a workaholic and pulling in a mint every month. I thought this study might help. So far, it's been a huge blessing. Let me know if you're going to do it, too, and maybe we can do it together (even remotely?).

What to tell them when they ask you if you have a platform

Do I have an author's platform? Am I an influencer of the masses such that my book will climb to the NYT best-sellers' list before I can even take a screenshot of my #1 position? I'll let you decide:

My Facebook statuses become cross-stitch patterns that hang in dentists' waiting rooms. Oprah's Book Club is taking a sabbatical until my book comes out. Every time I make a purchase, the NASDAQ skyrockets. The rainbow loom was just called "loom" until my YouTube video using multi-colored bands went viral. Jimmy Fallon wrote me a thank you note just for being me. Sometimes I can't keep track of all the trending hashtags I started. Reality TV called but I was busy shooting a Super Bowl commercial for my non-profit organization. I founded this non-profit when I was 14. We upcycle bottle caps to manufacture sustainable legwarmers for 1%-ers (before upcycling and legwarmers were even a thing!). All proceeds from the legwarmer sales go toward reducing unemployment among mermaids. I gave a TED talk about it and so far the talk has 3 million views, at least 1 million of whom were once unemployed mermaids who have now found meaningful careers! I wrote a screenplay about a den of unemployed mermaids called "Shelling Out." So far it has raised $50,000 on Kickstarter and we can't wait to begin filming the pilot webisode. My tumblr posts get shared before I write them. I have more Twitter followers than Lady Gaga. Every time I hiccup, someone retweets it. My blog is so popular it is causing problematic internet traffic jams. Pinterest has asked me to blog less often because they can't capacitate all the pins that my fabulous DIY photo posts generate. Suri's Burn Book can't even find something mean about me to say, I am so favored. Dr. Phil stopped asking me how this all was working out for me, because he already knew the answer.

***

Of course none of the above bears truth. I am a nobody to most Somebodies. The metrics of Somebody-dom are all the stuff of earth. They are merely a chasing after the wind.

God who is impossibly wonderful has set eternity in our hearts, and that any of us are somebody to Him is inconceivable. Only He is worthy to stand on any platform, yet He calls us with our busted rulers and ragged measuring tape worthy still. I am so glad that this nobody can be His somebody. He is everything to me.

Kidfessions

Yesterday evening, while watching cartoons and eating pasta, Baby Girl said to me, tending to a fire in the fireplace, "I want to give my life to Jesus. So when I turn seven, I want to get bath-tized." She had been hinting at this for a couple of weeks now. The thinking about the bath-tism.

I felt a mix of humbled, ecstatic and slightly apprehensive. I had always thought that when one of my children decided to get baptized, it would be somewhat prompted. That we'd have a conversation about it and maybe start studying the Bible together and talk about what this starting a new life in God meant. This is where I was humbled by my five year-old, doing exactly what I had hoped she would do, just totally out of order. Sigh to the Firstborns.

And of course then there is that whole other wavelength of anxiety that I try not to ride because what if this is not for real. What if she is just a bandwagonner. Or what if this is totally sincere but this is the last time she says this? What if tomorrow she decides to join the Hare Krishnas or swim to Cuba or buy into a ponzi scheme WHAT THEN!?!

But I know those fears are not from Above. I know God rewards a consistent fidelity. I am so happy, so happy for our girl. May her desire to know the Lord grow deep and wide.

After Baby Girl went to bed and Little Man, who has been sick, got up from his fever dream, he was mock-playing with a My Little Pony and he said, "I'm interested in girl things."

So yesterday was just a big day for speaking the truths on our heart, no words were minced, nothing withheld.