Candle Time

We should really call Candle Time "Let's fight over who gets to blow out the candle time." Or we should just call it what it was intended to be: our evening mini-worship time.

Don't get it twisted, brethren. We are not all joining hands in a circle and singing as the Whos of Whoville at Christmastide.

We are just trying to spend a few minutes with our children to quiet their spasmotic bodies and say a family prayer before they slumber on the lumber.

This is how it went tonight.

"Kids, we are going to have a special Candle Time tonight."

::Asks children to come to the living room three times. Has each child smell new candle that smells like cinnamon and candy apples. Attempts to play "Do You Hear What I Hear?" by Bing Crosby on laptop.

"Oh, Mommy, I see a Thomas the Train video on the computer!"

"Oh, watching Thomas and Toby on the computer!"

"Yeah, okay, guys, let's just focus on this song here. Don't get too close to the candle. Don't want to get burned."

::Stops song 30 seconds in::

"All right, let's go out to the kitchen where one of you will get to tear off one of the paper chains that you colored."

"Mommy, I don't want to tear this one off. This is my favorite one. I want to tear another one off."

"Oh, honey, well this one has the right number on it."

::Negotiates non-tear method of removing paper link from Advent chain::

"Okay, so this link says 'God with us...' What does it mean for God to be with us?"

"God is with us and thank you that Nana J is going to be okay."

"That's right, Tatum."

Amen.

***

Heating pad on her head. "This is what pharaoh wore." It was probably herbal scented, too!

Untitled

Overheard from the backseat

After being closed out of a parking spot at the gym and realizing the hours for gym childcare were turning to minutes, we decided on the most logical solution. Abandon mission and opt instead for frozen yogurt. En route to FroYo, I offer you the dialogue: Mommy, we're on the 9th commandment!

> Oh yah, and what does it say?

It says, Do not tell a lie.

> What an important commandment, huh?

Yes. Mommy. Sometimes, even grown-ups tell lies.

*** Later that evening...

Mommy, when you go to the gym after we go to sleep, do you sometimes get tickets?

[I have no idea to what kind of tickets the dearheart is referring. I think she must mean the receipt I get when I pay for the childcare at the gym.]

> Yeah, sometimes I do.

MOMMY! YOU GET TICKETS SOMETIMES!?!

> Oh, you mean like a speeding ticket from a police officer?

YEAH! YOU GET TICKETS, MOMMY?!

> Oh, no. No, I don't get tickets.

MOMMY YOU JUST LIED.

> Ohh, no, honey. I was just joking.

You're such a joker, Mommy.

IMG_0583

IMG_0573

IMG_0575

IMG_0576

IMG_0572

IMG_0579

Somebody I used to know

The reason why Gotye’s “Somebody I Used to Know” became a smash hit this past year is no mystery. It’s an extremely cathartic song. The lyrics, composed by the talented Belgian-Australian artist, are a mix of bitter words and wistful memories. The instrumentals are a light and steady percussion and then--boom. The refrain. Whether you were in the throes of a rocky break-up or were just keying into distant memories of a relationship’s demise, you may have found yourself joining in with the band to that highly emotional, “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know!”

Or. Or you may have read the lyrics and realized that these are the same words that God will never say.

This thought visited upon me one night while driving. Unable to escape Gotye no matter how many times I turned the radio dial, I welcomed the song after a series of difficult conversations with co-workers and friends. I felt good and right and completely entitled to write off all the distress. And then God pressed on my heart as I held the steering wheel, “But you are still known to me.”

In that moment, I felt meek--a feeling that is largely foreign to a bold gal like myself. A feeling that is mostly absent from Gotye’s song. I felt meek and small and held by a God to whom I had not surrendered so many burdens and tenuous relationships. Instead I had marched assuredly along, living by my wits, relying on my own strength, subconsciously “addicted to a certain kind of sadness” as Gotye writes.

But God in His tenderness plucked the strings of my own heart’s instrument and sang, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jer 1:5). He knew me; He was involved in my life before I was consciously involved with Him.

And though I turn against Him, over and over, like Gotye’s frenemy, God reminds me in no uncertain terms that He will forgive me; that He won’t even remember my offenses! (Heb. 8:12)

God is such a matchless friend.

Still I utter flip prayers and feeble worship, telling the Lord in so many words that I barely care to know Him, “And I don't even need your love.” Yet, He does not forsake me. He knows me, my thoughts, my attitudes. He knows how sharply He needs to drive His word into my hardened heart--so sharply that even my soul and spirit are separated from each other (Heb. 4:12).

I need to know, though, what if? What if this relationship becomes too heavy for me? What if the Lord ask too much of me? Can I run? Can I change my number? Can I escape His call?

God answers, once again, that He has known me. He knows the bleary hour when I get out of bed. He sees the dull glow of my laptop keeping me awake at night. He knows my habits, the thoughts in my head. (Psalm 139).

God’s got my number. I cannot be unlisted from Him. I cannot put Him on privacy restrictions from my status updates. I cannot successfully block Him and report Him as spam in my inbox.

All of my usual defenses become white flags of surrender to God, omnipotent God, from whom even the darkness cannot hide (Ps 139:12).

My earthly relationships will fade and fail me. I can erase every trace of them, take down the pictures and throw away the souvenirs.

But not God.

The very manner in which He created humanity shows His desire to be close to us, to keep us hemmed in within a splendid garden. It was not God’s desire that we would be banished from this garden; He never intended for a break-up when we would clear out and find somewhere else to crash.

God’s love is diametrically opposed to the kind that says we, His beloved, are just people He used to know. He created us in love and has given us the free will to drive fast on country roads in the dark, windows down, crying out along with the refrain of a rock song by an artist we’ve never met.

As the song ends, perhaps we feel both the relief and the emptiness that follow a catharsis. We are aware that we are alone, with no musical accompaniment.

One solid chord rings out:

“And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world” (Mt 28:20).