I applied for a writing fellowship yesterday. I want to do it so bad that I didn't even care where it was. I wasn't 100% sure if the state abbreviation "MN" was for Minnesota or Montana.

Woah.

Yeah.

What's so great about the writing fellowship?

It's with Really Famous Author! Who wrote One of My Favorite Books. Only 12 people are selected. And they fly you out!

Woah, woah woah. It's in Minnesota with Really Famous Author, who doesn't even live there, and supposedly only 12 people are selected? What if that's just a cover? What if they fly you out and then you become a sex slave?

Well, my friend who's a pastor is applying, too!

Perfect! They get you and a friend and you land in Minnesota and suddenly you're on a boat to Canada and everyone's being extradited....

When did you become a conspiracy theorist?