We had a scare this week that resulted in my scampering out to purchase the symbolic stick on which to pee and, for the first time ever, the resultant "Not Pregnant" verdict gave me such a sigh of relief. If my mother in Cleveland has made it past this sentence without fainting due to my oversharing, she should know that I would have welcomed another child. I just don't know if my baby-bearing equipment has been fully recovered yet. I sort of feel like my whole body is still in the auto repair shop. It's not exactly levitated on bricks or anything. I just feel like we're still waiting for a few parts to come in yet. It's not like I was in an accident, but, at the same time, I know my body will never feel or look the same. I'm doing about 300 crunches every night and I'm just hoping with the part of my brain that still hopes (the rest of it is used for worrying about whether or not Baby Girl will be one of those kids that only goes to the ER for stupid things, like crayons shoved irreversibly up nostrils) that by the end of summer, I won't look so bloated in my jeans. ***

I turned in a first draft of an article I've been working on and my internship editor gave me what is possibly the most treasured criticism I have ever received. He said, "This needs more Kendra in it. I'm needing more Kendratheadverb all over, having fun with this." I suppose that flies at my conceit, but when you've had the multiplicitous job history I've had in which nearly every supervisor has had to corner and me and, in so many words tell me, "Less is more, Kendra," in which I've often had to sit on my hands so as not to type the wrong kind of workplace e-mails, in which I've spent whole weekends in a mounting panic as to whether or not I sent a FedEx correctly and did I remember to check the Saturday delivery box, in which I tried so hard to focus and focus and focus, it's just extremely heartening, after all exhaustive attempts at conformity seemed to fail, to be told you don't have to go back to your cubicle now and play with cookie cutters.

***

Have a splendid holiday weekend, fellow Americans. I'm looking forward to beaching myself on the couch for a few like my pug brother, Stubby: