Let's have some honesty about school Christmas concerts. And let's get real about bridal and baby showers. While we're at it, let's share our true feelings about graduations and fundraisers and wedding toasts rife with cliches. We? We do not like them. They're interminable. We would rather be sitting at home in our Forever Lazy watching an infomercial on cubing fruits. All speeches feel hackneyed, and you can only hyperventilate over so many gifts. But sometimes we just have to go watch the 3rd graders slide their trombones and mimic a pack of perishing elephants. And sometimes you just have to force a giggle over the bride-to-be forcing a smile over the fifth lacy neglige she has unwrapped today. Oh honey, if you only knew... Baby Girl's Christmas concert was the other night. Friends, of course I wanted to be there to swell with proud THAT'S MAH BABEH GIRL UP THEYARR! But you know how parents at these things are: like a whole swarm of hovering helicopters with their flipcams, or a bunch of honeybees bumping into one another, their gazes fixed on their iPhones. Those parents. Of course I was rebuked when I saw how precious the kids were, how proud they were to perform, how incredibly deliciously sweet their voices resounded in the church sanctuary. I am, however, also not going to pretend I was not glad that my kid is in pre-K and her class performed first, for a total of three whole minutes, and we got to leave right after. Concert began at 7:00, home by 7:25. Done and done. *** Sheeplets in the green room