1. I have not given birth to a prince of Cambridge. Or to anyone, anywhere for that matter.  Congrazzles to George and his parents! 2. I have not attended Comic-Con, though I am proud of my intern gal Lexi who is kicking butt at Marvel Comics this summer. I have also not read anything remotely comical of late. I have begun to accept that getting through the New York Times Book Review is a huge accomplishment for my week. That's right. I'm only allowed to read about books. Literature is your grandmother's antique furniture that I'm not allowed to touch.

3. I have roasted my very first fresh beets ever. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, that's madness. It's been a thousand degrees where you live. Why would you turn your oven on? Do you like to pretend you live in a bikram yoga studio?

Seriously. What was I thinking? But dang those beets were uhhh.may.ZING.

4. I have not finished the book I'm writing. I cut out half the chapters from the original manuscript. It's going to be a much better book because of this editorial decision. I'm a much more tired woman as a result.

5. I have purchased 100 water balloons from the Dollar Tree and filled 95 of them. It was our first FamiLee water balloon fight, which translates to Loverpants aiming and water-splattering me every time, me overthrowing to him, and the kids throwing all of their ammunition on the driveway. We can't wait to do it again. And all that fun for (basically) one American money!